Blizzard Clothing

Mankind is such a pitiful race. A chance mistake of evolution. Soft and weak. Too wear to live without your precious robot devices. Too selfish to rise above your petty desires. Cunning is your only defense. If only you learned to work together, you might be a race worth reckoning. But you won’t. Soon, the galaxy will be cleansed of your impurity. Very soon.

The Queen of Blades walks into your view, haughty with assurance, full of amazing power. Who will control her heedless onslaught? Who will take a position fearlessly before her nightmare savage character and announce her immediate demise? As if on cue, a black soldier materializes from living shadow: Zeratul shall claim his vengeance.

Tsssss, ahhh! Think of the magically benefits flowing through your blood vessels, providing you the energy you need to mow down a group of horrible zerglings. Staying alive ain’t simple in this universe, and when times get unpleasant, stimpaks are just what the physician requested. Deal with the power! Legalize it!

Place your trust in Mengsk!

Don’t pay attention to the rumours of smaller men, so do not place any faith in their misguided promises. I, Mengsk, emperor of the Terran Dominion, will not be ended, but I need your support backing me. Together we can only be successful. Together we shall be triumphant. We will do whatever it requires, for we are responsible to much to do anything else. It is no error, war is coming and we must be prepared. I ask for you to save humankind. Rely upon Mengsk.

Feel the power of the rush!

The Zerg are known for their determination and overwhelming numbers. While they may be missing technological innovation and power, they exceed in large forces and speed. Mastering the zerg requires real focus and attention. Is the Overmind ready to take a nap? Open a can of whoop ass and down a Zerg Rush Energy Drink and conquer any Terran or Protoss willing to stand in your way!!!

Protect your mineral line from those pesky people in your life!

The “under attack” alarm blares to alert you of the discovery the dangerous Zerglings. A wave of Protoss Stalkers comes moving around your mineral range, eating through SCV’s like candies. “L2 Scout”, your challenger spams, as your base succumbs to the damage. “gg nub” and just like that, it’s over as easily as it began.

The Zerg. The unstoppable power. An whole race working as just one being, hell-bent on taking the galaxy. You are nearly invincible, but craving for hunger is your only objective. And so you hurry without consideration ahead, thinking only by necessity, placing yourself at the will of the fleshy races that stand themselves before you. And soon, you will break them with your inventiveness… again.

Are you a vet or a noob?

My APM is a one-digit number. I’ve never used a hotkey on a structure. I always have a ton of resources saved up because I like to be the richest. I’ve never won a match without cheesing. When someone says ‘Macro’ I say ‘Polo’; when someone says ‘Micro’ I say ‘Machines’. I haven’t been favored since my first game. I’ve only ever played Protoss, because I can’t figure out how to choose a different race. I am Bronze League. Good Luck, Have Pity.

Epic purple Zerg!

The Zerg. The unstoppable force. An entire species acting as a single being, hell-bent on consuming the universe. You are nearly invincible, but hunger is your only purpose. And so you rush blindly forward, thinking only by necessity, putting yourself at the whim of the fleshy races that array themselves before you. And soon, they will crush you with their cunning… again. Get this hot shirt today!

Your orders?

Humanity is such a pitiful species. An accident of evolution. Soft and weak. Too fragile to survive without your precious machines. Too selfish to rise above your petty desires. Cunning is your only weapon. If only you learned to work together, you might be a race worth reckoning. But you won’t. Soon, the galaxy will be cleansed of your impurity. Very soon. Command your own t-shirt now!